I used to be that bitch.
The one everyone knew not to fuck with.
The one who didn’t take shit from anyone!
The one who would call you on your shit no problem!
But there was a problem…
I was ANGRY!!! That’s why I had such a tough exterior.
I now know that underneath ANGER…. Is sadness.
I was sad! As a young mom, I was on anti-depressants for the majority of the early years of both of my children’s lives. Anger, resentment, sadness…. They were my normal.
I pushed a lot of people away from me. My attitude was the result of a bit of a traumatic childhood - like most 70s/80s babies, and attending the school of hard knocks in my early adulthood.
It isn’t easy starting your family at 18! I didn't hold a lot of space for forgiveness. I held grudges left, right, and center.
And as an adult, I had the choice to take responsibility for my healing or to ignore it. I chose to ignore it initially.
Many years of self-development, learning, healing, and growing later… I can look back and honestly say that I had a chip on my shoulder. I was projecting a lot of anger out onto others... Stuck in that victim mentality of poor me, I used a tough exterior as a way to protect myself.
It worked…. On the outside! No one knew how much I was hurting on the inside though.
Over the years, I’ve softened. I’ve gotten in touch with my divine feminine energy, and ya know what?
I’m loving it!
Gone are the days of Jennie-FUCKING-PAYNE….
And that’s ok! I’m not grieving her…. I’m embracing this new me!!
This DIVINE me!!!
This UNAPOLOGETIC GODDESS!!
All of you sisters have one inside of yourselves. If we just tune in to her, she’ll reveal herself!
I’m still bold. I still speak my mind… But I now have more compassion for MYSELF and for others, and my rants now come from a place of wanting to help instead of wanting to hurt.
Only hurt people, hurt people.
And only we can choose to heal ourselves.
Goddess…
Will you choose YOU?